A letter for My Tatay...

Dear Tatay,

Hi there. How have you been doing? I sure hope you're happy there. We miss you so much. As much as we want to be with you, we can't. Well, not yet. We wonder what keeps you busy nowadays? Do you still enjoy watching TV? Are you still able to watch your favorite noontime shows? Are you still updated with your showbiz crushes? (It's okay to admit that you're still crushing on them. Nanay won't mind.) Do you still get to eat more than 3 times a day?

Ever since you left, we can't help but reminisce all the times we had with you. Every memory, every picture, basically EVERYTHING that reminds me of you makes me miss you even more.

It's been more than 3 years since you passed away. When I think back, I wonder how I even went one year without you. Every time I think of you I feel like going to my room and crying forever and ever until I meet you again.

I think over the years that after someone has lost someone, it doesn’t get easier, you just get more used to it and deal with it.

Well, that’s what I’m doing and I know you will be proud of me. It’s really sad because when I was younger, I felt really ugly and you were one of the very few people that made me feel pretty. I am writing this down so in ten years I can read this and remember how much you meant to me. I never want to forget that, and I don’t think I could. And I realized that no matter how old you are the closeness you have with that one person never goes away.

I remember how you used to fetch me after school. And how you used to spoil me buying me a lot of candies before heading home. I rememeber how you used to tell me stories during the World War II. I remember that you even bought me a cute purple bicycle with a basket and a bell. I remember how you never forget to bring us snacks at home every single time you visit us, which was at least 5 times a week.

I remember how you once told me that I am not allowed to have a boyfriend, yet. That I am only allowed to have one when JM is already in college. JM was still 7 years old then. I didn't mind you saying that because I knew that it was your little way of making me feel extra special among all your grand children. (Dear cousins, this is self-proclaimed! hehe!)

A lot of things have changed. Time flies. My cousins are all grown up now. Let me give you a few updates about them (In order based on age). Ate Mygel is now happy in a relationship with her childhood sweetheart. I know you are definitely one of the happiest person in heaven because of this news. Kuya Marc is now back here in Philippines. We have finally compelled him to stay here for good. He is staying with me here in Manila and currently working at Petron. The biggest update I can tell you about me is that I am already engaged, since February 9. We are planning to get married next year, 9th day of Janaury (same as Sunshine's birthday). Aira is taking a big step in her career but I don't want to disclose the details yet. But I am very happy for her. Kia is currently working at BDO, it is one of the biggest banks here in the Philippines. You'll be proud on how hard working she is at work and at home. Zander is on his 5th year taking up Electrical Engineering. Mind you, he never had a failing grade since 1st year. And taking up an engineering course in a prestigious university without any failing grade since Day 1 is indeed something to be proud of. Sunshine will be graduating this June with possible flying colors. She's a candidate for cum laude. JD is turning 18 in a few days and at the same she will also be graduating and is planning to study in one of the best universities in the States. We haven't seen her for years but looking at the pictures that Aunt Marlene sent us, she is a very lovely lady. Bianca is still the same shy-girl with such a pretty face. She reminds me of Janelle Salvador, one of the most popular teenagers nowadays. And if you were still here I am sure that you will agree. Jai just finished high school and still choosing which university he likes best. I think he's also planning to take up an engineering course. You're Siapno boys are really into engineering! Kyle is the most artistic among all of us. He can turn a paper into a amazing work of art. And he also plays the piano/organ really well. He even volunteered to play the piano during my wedding. JM, one of you're favorite, next to me ofcourse, (Again cousins, this is self proclaimed, haha!), is pretty much just like me when I was kid. Independent, brave, sweet, thoughtful, and very organized. And she is a consistent top performer in her class, 2nd honor to be specific. Christine is also now in high school and just like Bianca, she is also shy. She is growing up to be a very responsible sister to her brothers. Renzo is going to be a high school student this coming school year. He loves playing all sorts of computer games but is also a promising basketball player. Your Siapno boys (including your sons, Romulo and Jaime) loves playing basketball. And finally, James, your youngest grand child, just recently graduated, too. He is very active in school and at home. He is very good in English and is excellent in Math!

I know you are overwhelmed as much as I am. They have all really grown up!

In a few months, I will be married. It makes me sad that you didn't get to meet my fiancé. He is an incredibly wonderful person. He knows a lot about you. He knows how much I adore you. And he knows how you much you spoiled me. (Oops!) I wish you were still around to see your first grand child get married. It would've been ultimately perfect if you were there!

It would be nice to see you in black tux. Plus I'm pretty sure you'll be wearing your favorite watch and shoes. Just like how you dressed up when you first met Kuya Marc's girlfriend, Ate Jen. You were very excited that day. Too bad you don't get to meet Zander's girlfriend, Camille. And all the other Siapno boys' future girl friends.

Sigh. There is still this constant ache in my heart whenever I would think of you. I still miss you and hope that I can be a wonderful grand mother to my grand babies as you were to me. I will make sure that my future children and grand children will know everything about you!

Thank you for loving me. I love you, Tatay.

Hugs and Kisses,
Myleen

Our Once Upon A Time.. :)

I have been in a relationship for more than 8 years now. It was not the typical type kasi we never really started with the basic "ligawan" stage.

Yes girls, ako ung naunang nagkagusto sa kanya.

This is something I am not ashamed to broadcast. Wala namang masama kung ang babae ang unang nagkagusto sa lalake.

There is this video they took back in highschool, nakasave sa cellphone ng common friend naming si Raniel. Nadaanan lang siya sa video and he smiled. Todo pause ako sa video makita ko lang talaga siya. Nabighani ako!(Naks!) Since then, parati ko ng kinukulit si Raniel na ipakilala siya sa akin. Problem is, sa Baguio siya nagaaral at currently committed to an almost 2-year relationship with a highschool sweetheart. But... They're oceans apart. (hahaha!) I never had 3rd party issues with my exes but I am against people who ruin other happy couple's relationships. I did not intend to do this to them but there's really something about this guy that I really really want to meet him. At dahil sa kakulitan ko ay napapapayag ko si Raniel to setup a basketball game this sembreak (last week of October 2006). Actually, si Raniel lang ang naging daan dahil siya ang nag set ng game. Pero ang totoong nagpakilala sa amin ay si Renz. Common friend din namin siya na nagkataong super close friend niya.

Finally, I met him.

His name is Waldo. I offered a hand shake. He did not respond. He did not even smile. Hanggang sa kinuha ni Renz ang kamay niya at napilitan nalang siya makipag shake hands. I was super kilig na after a few days ko lang narealize na sinungitan pala niya ako. Anyway, after that game ay nagkayayaan na kumain. I even asked him to come pero ayaw daw niya. Strike two for me! At first I thought crush lang siguro talaga kasi right after noon ay wala na. Syempre narealize ko nga ilang beses niya akong sinungitan at obviously hindi niya ako type. Although, I admire his faithfulness to his girlfriend, then.

After a few days, I celebrated my 19th birthday in a private resort owned by my guy bestfriend, Jigs. I was thinking of inviting him to my party so I took his number from Raniel. No hidden agenda guys. But I was too busy preparing that I forgot to invite him.

It was a Sunday night, 31st of December 2006, while I was busy helping my parents prepare our Media Noche, my phone rang.

I missed a call from an unknown number. When I was about to ask who it was, I received a text message. It was him. My crush from the video, Waldo.

Since then, madalas na kaming nagkakatext. We talked about everything. Pero we never had a chance to go out. Until I found out na merong week long Leadership Camp ang aming University, to be held at Baguio. I was currently the Treasurer of our Department so I signed up for it. It was almost the end of the leadership camp but he still haven't dropped by so it kind of made me think that he is not really interested to see me. On our last day, I woke up extra early. Not just because I was still hoping but also because I wanted to take more pictures with friends. It turns out that it pays to wake up early because he finally decided to come see me. He said he'll be seeing me by 7am. So I took a bath immediately, with ice-cold water! (I'm not exaggerating!) Looking back, I honestly don't remember how I looked and what I wore that day. But for sure, I was excited. We were staying at Teacher's Camp. He was a few minutes earlier than expected. We met at the entrance.

He was in his baggy denim faded blue pants, loose navy blue polo shirt, white adidas sneakers, his super appealing semi bald self, and THE brown eyes that makes me melt inside.

Technically, it was not our first time to see each other. I'm not sure if it can be considered as our first date, either. We were both having a great time. He even bought taho for him and I. I politely declined it since I am not really eating/drinking taho. He was surprised. I didn't want to make an impression that I am a picky eater, which I am not. Let's just say that there are a few foods that I do not enjoy eating. Anyway, he still insisted. And I again declined. He end up eating both. After a while, we decided to stroll around Teacher's Camp and had a morning walk. Unfortunately, we met a not-so-friendly dogs along the way. Yes, I was scared to get bitten so I was walking a little bit faster than usual. (Minus points for me again!) He knew I was scared so he gently held my hand. Kilig-to-the-bones! Sadly, I have to go back to our seminar. And he also have classes to attend to.

It was really a morning to remember! It was also a wake up call to reality. I knew from the start that he is already in a relationship with another girl. And hoping for a "forever" future of him and I will never happen.

After a few days, I tried to avoid him, not totally, but I wanted to be distant. I tried. But I failed. The more I try to avoid him, the more I go crazy in love with him. Yes, I fell in love. Just like what Blackstreet said, It came over me in a rush when I realized that I love him so much. I don't know if he feels the same way. I don't even want to know at all.

January 25, 2007 --- LOVE kills you, both when you have it and when you don't.

We were both ready to stop whatever we have. But after a few minutes, we realized how much we liked each other. He is still with her but he knows that he also wants me. It was good enough for me, at that moment, so I agreed to be the the 2nd girlfriend. It was a crazy and stupid decision. What's worse is that he asked me to keep our relationship as a secret first. He was planning to end his relationship with her but he wants her to hear it from him not from anybody else.

January 28 -- When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

He came home from Baguio so we can have our first real date as a couple. I didn't want him to fetch me so we decided to meet at the mall instead. I was surprised that he brought along his best friend, Renz. On our first real date. We had nothing planned, so we just watched a movie, Agent X44. After the movie, I went home. Nothing memorable. It was honestly a disappointing first date.

The following Sunday, he went home again to see me. We visited Manaoag church, and then I brought him to Bonuan, where we had our photoshoot a few days ago. The place was simple. We just stood there and enjoyed the beach. I think he was being sweet because he suddenly hugged me. I think it was his way of making up from last week's horrible date. But this time it was very memorable. It was where we had our first kiss. My first real kiss.

February 8 -- There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved.

He surprised me. He went home to watch and support me on my pageant. I never expected him to do that. I only won 4th place but I felt like I was the prettiest girl in the world.

February 14 -- The act of giving flowers elicits a real smile, more often than other gifts of similar cost.

It was my first Valentine's Day with my boyfriend. He got me a bouquet of purple flowers. I was never a fan of flowers, but that's when I started falling in love with them.

As days goes by, we fell more deeply in love with each other. He finally ended his relationship with her. He chose me over her.

We always celebrate the 25th day of every month. And we've been celebrating it for the past 8 years. Today marks our 99th month together. In 8 months, I will be marrying the greatest love of my life.

They didn’t agree on much. In fact, they didn’t agree on anything. They fought all the time and challenged each other ever day. But despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. They were crazy about each other. - Nicholas Sparks

Love is an Adventure

How will you know if you have truly found "The One" for you?

The answer: You will never know. But it is still you're choice if you want the person (you are currently with) to be The One for you.

I have recently read the book of Miss Alex Gonzaga: Dear Alex, break na kami. Paano?! Love, Catherine and it is actually my inspiration in doing this blog. Just to make it clear, I am NOT heartbroken! But the book really is not just for broken hearted people. Nakakatuwa at nakakalaiw siya dahil maaalala mo kung papaano ka noon.

Huwag na tayong magmalinis, lahat tayo ay minsan ng nakadanas ng pagkabigo sa pagibig. And this book, is definitely going to remind you on how stupid you were on your failed relationships. Pero hindi dahil marami kang palpak noon ay ibig sabihin bigo ka na forever. At hindi dahil stable ang relasyon mo ngayon ay ibig sabihin na masaya ka na din forever. I am no love expert. But basing things on my experiences, I can say, I am fully equipped. Naks! Hahaha..

So anyway, nainspire akong gayahin ang book ni Miss Alex through my blog. I wanted to share what I've learned. And hopefully, kung may nagbabasa man ng mga blogs ko ay somehow makarelate din.

I won't be dropping names here kasi may mga kanya kanyang buhay na sila. I'll just be using codenames instead.

Bata pa lang ako, mahilig na ako sa mga romantic stories/movies. Self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. Mababaw lang akong tao. madali ako mapasaya, pero iyakin din ako.

Grade 1 ata ako una nagkacrush. At crush ko lang siya dahil nalaman ko na crush niya ako. Pero di din nagtagal kasi lumipat na siya ng eskwelahan nung sumunod na school year. So nung Grade 2, iba nanaman ang crush ko.

The Grouch
Si The Grouch ay bagong lipat lang sa school that time. Sa ibang section siya pero agaw pansin kasi mestiso. Akala ko pa nung una ay bakla siya pero cute talaga kaya crush ko. At during that time, medyo cute din ako at nabalitaan ko na crush din daw niya ako. So yun, crush namin ang isa't isa at kinikilig kami pag inaasar nila kami. Pero hanggang dun lang MUNA uli ang love story namin. Mamaya ay may kadugtong pa itong kwento namin.


Cereals
Ito ang kwentong medyo nakakatuwang alalahanin. Minsan nakakahiyang isipin pero nakakatuwa dahil ito na nga siguro ang maituturing kong puppy love ko. Yes, iba iba nga ang crush ko bawat school year, hahaha! Si cereals ay classmate ko since Grade 1 pero noong Grade 3 ko lang siya talaga napansin. Gwapo at mestiso, kamukha ni Aga Muhlach! (Seryoso!) Hindi ko makalimutan na siya ang unang nagbigay sa akin ng love letter and vice versa. Sayang nga lang at hindi ko na maalala kung ano mga kalokohang pinagsususulat ko noon.

Buong gradeschool life ko ay typical lang. Itong mga nabanggit ko na ay ang mga taong tingin ko ay somehow naging significant experience to mold me as to who I am today.

When I reached highschool madami ang nagiba. Although exposed ako sa idea ng mga bf-gf relationships dahil noong elementary days ay may mga classmates ako na may mga karelasyon na. I didn't have a boyfriend then, BY CHOICE. Kasi kuntento ako sa crush-crush lang.

Noon, pag crush ka ng crush mo ay automatic M.U. na kayo.

Yan pagkakaintindi namin.


Milk Powder
Sa totoo, 2 lang ang paborito kong subject noon ang T.H.E. (Technology and Home Economics), at English kung saan very confident ako na mataas parati ang nakukuha ko, at par sa Valedictorian. (Naks!) So siguro naman naiimagine niyo na kung papaano ako sa loob ng classroom pag ito ang mga subjects. Noong una ay iritang irita ako sa kanya. May seating arrangement kami noon sa T.H.E. at dahil alphabetically arranged lagi at nagkataon din na paraho kami ng initials kaya asa likod kaming pareho. Supposedly, katabi ko siya, pero dahil 3 arm chairs lang per row, siya ay nasa likod ko nakaupo. Sobrang iritang irita ako tuwing nakalagay ang paa niya sa ilalim ng chair ko at panay ang "kuyakoy." I am honestly unsure if that is the right term, basta ung paa niya nakalagay sa ilalim ng upuan na ginagalaw ang chair. Sobrang iritang irita ako noon at nung minsang napuno na ako ay sinita ko siya ng bonggang bongga! Hindi ko inaasahan na itong lalakeng sinungitan ko ay ang magiging crush ko for my entire highschool life. Hindi ko na maalala kung papaano ako unang nagkagusto sa kanya. Basta buong school alam nila na gusto ko siya. Lahat sila inaasar kami. Tingin ko nga isa kami sa mga paborito nilang asarin. Pero ang totoo nian, hindi niya ako type. Lahat na siguro ng pagpapacute ay nagawa ko na pero hindi mabenta ang beauty ko sa kanya. Hindi naging kami pero sa kanya ko unang naramdaman ung feeling na ambilis talaga ng tibok ng dibdib mo pag nakikita mo siya. Ung tipong "slowmo" na siya lang nakikita mo pag nakakasalubong kayo.

Siya na marahil ung Ultimate Crush ko.

Kilig na kilig ako sa tuwing nagtetext siya o nagfoforward ng love quotes. Kaya bawat message niya ay paniguradong nakasave na yan sa phone ko at automatic na naikwento ko na agad sa bestfriend ko kung gaano ako kakilig. Hindi pa uso ang unlitext noon kaya bawat text ay piso, mahal! Pero reply ako agad sa kanya. Forward din ako agad ng quote sa kanya! Sa totoo lang, okay lang sa akin noon na hindi niya ako gusto, sapat na sa akin ung classmate ko siya, napapanuod at nachicheer ko siya pag naglalaro ng basketball. Okay na okay na ako sa ganun. Pero nagulat ako noong minsang narinig ko ang balita, na may nililigawan na pala siya. Sobrang nahurt ako nung nalaman ko pero sino ba naman ako, dba? So deadma nalang. Pero ang mga schoolmates namin tuloy pa din ang pag love team sa amin. Kahit na alam nilang lahat na magBf-Gf na sila, kami pa din ni Milk Powder ang pinagpapareha. Umabot pa sa point na tinext ako nung girl, at sinabing hindi siya natutuwa na inaasar pa din kami sa isa't isa. Kaya siguro umiwas na si Milk Powder ng tuluyan.


Junior
2 years yuonger sa akin si Junior. Alam niya kung gaano ako kapatay na patay kay Milk Powder. Sa totoo ay hindi ko na maalala kung papano namin nakuha ang number ng isa't isa, ang alam ko lang ay talagang malapit ako sa mga lower batch. Miss congeniality ako sa school back then. Self-proclaimed. He calls me almost every day sa home phone namin. Madaldal ako so most of the time, kwento lang ako ng kwento sa kanya. Parati niya akong tinetext, parati pa kami magkausap sa phone pero sa school hindi ko siya kinakausap kasi ang attention ko ay madalas kay Milk Powder. Konti lang ang may alam na madalas kami naguusap, maaga kami parehong pumapasok sa school para kaming 2 ang unang estudyante dun, minsan nagpapahuli pa kami para kami ang huli sa school. Sa phone naman, sabay pa kami natutulog. As in nakalagay pa din sa mga tenga namin ang phone kahit tulog na kami para lang marinig namin ang isa't isa. Gwapo siya, matalino, magaling magbasketball, mabait, sweet, thoughtful. Siya ung tipo na chinito-slash-headturner-slash-heartthrob. Sa totoo lang, gusto ko siya pero hindi pa talaga ako siguro handang harapin kung ano man kami noon. Ayaw ko rin siyang tanungin dahil siguro iba nga talaga ang gusto ko noon.

Parang kami pero hindi kami.

Noong lumipat na siya ng ibang school the following year ay naputol na ang communication namin. Okay na din yun kasi hindi talaga ako handa kung ano man ung sa amin. He still tried to reach out, he even had his best friend involved. Naging katext ko din best friend niya pero unti unti na din ako umiwas. Just want to share: Jr din pala codename namin sa kanya noon kasi para daw siyang si Milk Powder, as in same lahat ng qualities, younger lang. Para lang daw siyang Junior ni Milk Powder.


Saint R
December 2004 ay sumama ako sa Christmas Party sa office nila Mama. Ginanap ito sa Lingayen. Sa bahay nila Saint R to be exact. Nagulat nalang ako ng biglang may lumapit na waiter sa akin na nagtatanong kung ano daw ang mobile number ko. First time ko so sobrang gulat na gulat talaga ako! At take note, katabi ko pa ang Mama ko noon ah! Sabi nung waiter, inutusan daw siya nung isa sa mga anak nung mayari para kunin ang number ko. Eh hindi naman ako okay sa mga ganun at hindi ko kakilala kaya hindi ko ibinigay. 4 na magkakapatid sila Saint R, puro lalaki, at lahat sila ay sa seminary nagaral. Marahil ay mas naChallenge siya, kasi after a few days nagulat nalang ako na may nagtext sa akin. Marami pala kaming common friends, nakuha daw niya sa isang classmate niya sa seminary na classmate ko noong elementary, Resourceful! Magkatext kami, okay naman, kaso kakabreak lang niya sa gf niya. Kaya siguro gusto niya akong makatext. Si Saint R ay gwapo, at mukhang maamo at mabait ang itsura. Ang totoong kwento pala, ay ung Kuya niya ang may crush sa akin na nagpakuha ng number ko. Pero si Saint R ang nagresearch. So nung alam na nila ang number ko, both him and his kuya are texting me na. Hindi na nagkabalikan si Saint R at ung ex niya. Madalas kami magkatext kahit bawal sa seminary ang cellphone ay natetext niya ako, minsan naitatakas pa niyang tawagan ako. Ilang beses niya akong tinanong kung pwede daw ba niya akong ligawan, hindi ako pumapayag. Pero patuloy pa din kami magkatext at magkausap. Pursigido. At dahil nga asa seminary siya ay hindi sila pwedeng lumabas kahit weekends. Pero tuwing Sundays naman ay pwede silang dalawin doon ng family and friends nila. Hindi ko na maalala kung paano niya ako napilit na pumunta dun. Pero there was one Sunday na dumalaw ako sa seminary. I went there with my friend Yani, who is very famous among the seminary boys. May ex ata siya na andun din. So ayun, sandali din lang naman kami nag stay dun. Nagusap lang kami at ipinakilala niya ako sa mga close friends niya. Siguro ay maganda ako noong mga time na yun at biglang nadagdagan na ang mga nagtetext sa akin, na hindi ko nanaman alam kung paano nila nakuha ang number ko. Noong nalaman ito ni Saint R ay mas lalo siyang naging pursigidong ligawan ako. Pero hindi pa din ako pumapayag. He even volunteered to be my Prom Date pero tumanggi ako dahil ayoko lang. Gusto din niya akong puntahan nung highschool graduation namin pero hindi ko siya pinayagan. Ininvite din niya ako sa graduation nila, pero hindi ako pumunta. Type ko naman siya, ewan ko lang kung bakit paligi ko siyang tinatanggihan. Pero noong minsang naglambing na siya dahil luluwas na sila papuntang Manila at marahil matatagalan bago sila bumalik ng Dagupan/Pangasinan kaya gusto daw niya sana na magkita kami. Napapayag niya ako, pero hindi ako nagpasundo at nagpahatid pagkatapos. Nagkita nalang kami sa CSI CityMall (Yan pa lang ang sikat na mall noon sa amin). Asa may bilyaran daw sila. Kasama niya ung babeng pinsan ng ex niya. Matapos niya akong ipinakilala ay umalis na ung girl. Nagikot ikot muna kami sandali tapos nag aya siya sa sinehan. Syempre masyado akong maarte, kaya hindi ako pumayag na siya ang magbayad. Sabi ko KKB kami or else wag nalang kami manuod. So wala siyang choice. Hindi ko na maalala kung ano ung title ng movie na pinanuod namin. Kung tutuusin ito nga ang first date ko. Pero alam ko noon sa sarili ko na malulungkot ako dahil sa Manila siya at sa Baguio ako magaaral. Inaantok siya nung nanuod kami kaya ipinatong niya ang ulo niya sa left shoulder ko. (If I know, style lang un!) Awkward moment sa akin yun, at feeling ko nagfroze ako! Siguro naramdaman niya kaya inalis nalang niya at sabay sabing "ang liit mo, nangawit leeg ko!" At sabay kaming natawa.
Medyo nagiba ang ihip ng hangin nung mga unang buwan ng College life. Naging busy kami pareho dahil pareho kaming Nursing ang kinuha. Madaming mga bagong nakikilala. Sobrang dalang nalang namin magusap at magkatext. Dun ko narealize na mamimiss ko din pala ang presence ni Saint R. Ako na ang madalas na nauunang mangamusta sa kanya, di gaya dati na siya lagi. Ang totoo niyan kaya ayaw ko siyang magtuloy manligaw noon ay dahil kinausap ako ni Mama na ayaw niya kay Saint R. Officemates ang mommy niya at Mama ko. Infact friends sila, pero ayaw ni Mama sa kanya. Kaya ilang beses ako sinabihan noon na wag nalang daw siya. Siguro isa yun sa mga factors kung bakit umaayaw ako sa kanya. Pero noong tumagal, bigla nalang ako nagising at narealize na gusto ko na pala siya, na marahil inlove na nga din ako sa kanya. Noong tumawag siya ay sinabi ko na pinapayagan ko na siyang manligaw sa akin. Naging okay uli kami. Pero praning kasi ako. Selosa. At long distance pa. Sobrang hindi ako naniniwala sa LDR (Long Distance Relationship), pero dahil nga tingin ko mahal ko na siya kaya kinakaya ko.
Halos parang kami na talaga pero wala pang official label. Hanggang sa napadalas ang away. Nagpatong patong na. Naging cold kami sa isa't isa pero alam ko sa sarili ko na mahal ko na siya. Plus, nalaman pa ni Mama na may communication pa din kami at hindi siya boto kay Saint R. Hanggang sa isang araw ay nagtext nalang siya at sinabing ayaw na niya, na hindi na niya kayang ipagpatuloy pa ang panliligaw sa akin. Nalungkot ako. Tinry ko ayusin pero wala na talaga, ayaw na niya.

Para kaming nagbreak na hindi naman kami.

Sobrang lungkot ko noon na hindi ko talaga mapigilang umiyak. Humagulgol. Maayos naman niyang tinapos ang lahat pero hindi ko lang siguro matanggap. Hindi naman ako nagmakaawa sa kanya hinayaan ko lang pero tinry kong ayusin pero mukhang decided na talaga siya. Hindi ko siya kinulit, ni hindi na nga ako nagparamdam sa kanya after that. Pero sobrang iyak ako ng iyak noon. Yung mga kaibagan ko to the rescue, minuminuto kung magcheck kung okay ba ako. Ilang araw ko siyang iniyakan. Buwan.. Nabalitaan ko nalang na after a few months na nagkabalikan sila nung ex gf niya. The girl he was with before he met me. I was the reason why they never got back before. He was my first love.


Meron din namang mga umaali-aligid noon sa akin pero sobrang hindi pa mended ang broken heart ko kaya wala pa akong ineentertain.

I was not sure if I am not ready or if I was traumatized. There was even a time when I hated the world because I was broken-hearted.

Caltex
I transferred school and changed my course. Sa University kung saan nagaaral ang best friend ko ako nag enrol. Magkaiba kami ng course, pero lagi kaming magkasama during break hours. Medyo panandalian kong nakalimutan na broken hearted ako. But during those times, ay may bf ang bestfriend ko, whose 3 years younger. They are so inlove. Naisip nila na magandang idea na ipakilala daw ako sa bestfriend ng boyfriend niya, who is again 3 years younger. Sa totoo lang ayaw ko talaga. Pero naibigay na nila ang number ko at nagtext na. Nalibang naman ako kasi mukhang okay naman siya. Eventually, napilit din niya ako na makipagkita sa kanya. As usual, ayaw ko ng sinusundo ako so sabi ko magkita nalang kami somewhere. Nagkita kami sa Calasiao. May mini gasoline station nila, Caltex, hence the codename. He was riding his motorbike when he approached me. Akala ko ay kakain lang kami somewhere pero sabi niya may pupuntahan daw kami. Pero hindi ako pumayag na sumakay sa motor niya at wala siyang nagawa (hahaha!) So naghanap siya ng tricycle at dun ipinasakay niya ako habang nakamotor siya na nakasunod. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami pupunta pero ang narinig ko na sinabi niya sa driver ay sa Macabito. Nagulat ako dahil andaming tao sa pinuntahan namin, may race pala ng mga motor, na sila ang sponsor. So you could just imagine his whole family there. Ayaw ko na sanang tumuloy at magiinarte na sana akong umuwi pero hinawakan na niya ang kamay ko sabay pakilala sa mama niya, ate, kuya, etc. Buti nalang mainit nun kaya hindi halatang namumula ako dahil sa kaba. He was surprisingly nice and a gentleman! He never left my side. Nakapayong pa ako at may paypay. At may tubig pa. Hindi na namin tinapos ung event since nahalata ata niya na nainitan na ako. I was wearing a black top then, kung alam ko lang na ganun ang pupuntahan namin, I could've been prepared. Akala ko ay uuwi na ako pero mali ako. Together with his ate ay umuwi kami sa bahay nila. May nakahanda pa lang meryenda dun. Habang kumakain kami ay nagpatugtog siya ng songs. Nagulat ako na ang ipinatugtog niya ay ang mga kanta ni Regine Velasquez. Love songs. Syempre nag insist pa din siya na ihahatid ako pauwi pero wala siyang magawa kasi talagang ayaw ko.

It was honestly one of the Best First Date Ever!

He was consistent in being sweet, constantly checking if I was okay. June 3, he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Dahil na din sa pangungulit ng bestsfriend ko, I was hesistant pero I said yes. Natakot kasi ako na baka maulit ung kay Saint R, antagal namin nagligawan pero nauwi sa wala. Kaya kahit mabilis ay umOo nalang ako. He was my first boyfriend.

It was not how I pictured it. Akala ko noon pag may boyfriend ka, okay siya, lagi kayong inlove, lagi kayong kinikilig.

Pero hindi pala ganun ang magkaboyfriend. Nalaman ko na after maging kami ay sinabi na niya sa mama niya na kami na. Typical lang na itanong kung sino ako at kung anu ano pa tungkol sa akin. They like me but I guess, they're not so happy knowing na I am 3 years older than their son. I was surprised how Caltex handled these things. He told me upfront what happened. It made me sad since he was my first boyfriend, and it was just our first few days together and yet challenges agad ang sumasalubong sa amin. I told him that it wont be nice to go against his parents pero he still insisted na we try. Nagulat talaga ako. Akala ko he'll be okay to end things. We tried. It was not easy. Minsan kinekwento pa niya na hindi daw siya kinikibo sa bahay nila. Madalas ay wala siyang kasabay kumain. Hanggang sa kinuha nalang ang cellphone niya. Hindi na kami naguusap. He was my first boyfriend so hindi ko alam kung normal ba na ilang araw kaming hindi naguusap. All the while I thought we were okay. I even prepared a 1st monthsary gift for him. But a day before our monthsary, he texted me. He wanted to end our relationship. Everything happened so fast. He broke my heart..


Isolde
Isolde and Caltex are classmates. Actually, they belong to the same circle of friends. Caltex once used Isolde's phone to text me dahil nga wala siyang phone. And one day, habang walang phone si Caltex ay tinext ako ni Isolde. Kinakamusta ako. Hanggang sa mas napapadalas na ang pagtetext niya, lalo na nung nalaman niyang naghiwalay na kami ni Caltex. July 2 kami naghiwalay ni Caltex and Isolde was very patient in hearing me rant. Hanggang sa July 9 ay umamin na siya na matagal na daw niya akong gusto. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend.

He was willing to help me mend my broken heart, even if it meant that he could possibly be just a rebound guy.

As selfish as it is, I agreed. He is a mature guy at his age. I can even say that he is much mature than I was in handling our relationship. He is a consistent Dean's Lister in their school, a loving son, and definitely not a spoiled brat even if he's the youngest child of a well-off family. He is a sweetheart who is willing to give the world to me. I, on the other hand, do not feel the same. Konting bagay, iritang irita ako sa kanya, maglalambing siya, lalo akong magagalit. He was so inlove, maybe. Natakot ako. Prolly because I am still hung up with Saint R, or still heartbroken with Caltex. I ended our relationship on our 2nd monthsary. I feel that it is unfair to pursue it when I know that I feel nothing for him. He was too good to be true for me..


The Grouch
The Grouch has been bugging me since highschool. He keeps on asking me out pero dinedeadma ko lang siya. Ayaw ko siya. At lalong ayaw kong mainvolve sa kanya. Siya ay kilalang chicboy sa aming lugar. Lahat nililigawan, lahat napapasagot niya. Ex ng bayan kung bansagan siya. Close friend ko ang pamangkin niya so eventhough ilang beses na akong nagpalit ng number ay parati niyang nakukuha. Tingin ko ganun lang siya kapursigido dahil hindi niya ako mapa-Oo na lumabas kasama niya, nachachallenge lang siguro. Pero noong minsang finally nireplyan ko na siya, biglang tumawag. Nagusap kami and maybe he really does a have a way with women dahil napa-Oo niya ako. We went out, watched a movie (Take Note: tagalog chick flick--he's choice), rode his motorcycle around Dagupan, and dinala niya ako sa bahay nila to introduce me to his family. Looks familiar, huh? Just like what Caltex did. Coincidence. Kaya siguro nauto niya ako na bigyan siya ng chance na manligaw sa akin. He was consistent. He was too sweet and treats you like a princess. So this is why girls go gaga over this guy. He was very vocal to our friends on how he feels about me pero ako todo deny. Ni hindi nga nila alam na pinayagan ko na siyang manligaw, at ni hindi nga nila alam na were exclusively dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend on October 9th. I said yes. Very conservative ako and I am aware sa mga balibalita about him na kung magkwento siya sa iba minsan dagdag bawas, at matinik nga daw sa mga babae. But I am very sure he will definitely not get any from me. He tried. I did not give in. Wala siyang nagawa. Naturn Off ako. And exactly after a week, he broke up with me. Why am I not surprised? Sabi niya masyado daw akong seryoso, na hindi pa daw niya kaya ung isang seryosong realtionship. I was a bit sad kasi akala ko okay kami. Pero turns out, Good riddance..


Where's Waldo :)
Now this is going to be biased since I am currently dating this guy. Dating for 8 years.
To know the full story of our lovelife, please click on this link.



Love is an adventure. You have to go through a lot of pitsops to get to your final destination. This is why I have come up with this list of things to remember along the way:

1. Crush, fling, at love --- Magkakaiba ang definition nian. I am very sure na gets na gets mo yan. Wag natin iconfuse ang mga sarili natin dito.

2. Para sa mga bagets (15 and below), hindi porket kinikilig ka na ay true na agad ito. Hindi masama ang magkacrush as long as paghahanga lang talaga. Gawing inspirasyon at hindi distraction sa pagaaral.

3. Para sa mga mas matanda ng konti sa mga bagets (16-18 years old), hindi porket feeling mo buong mundo ay may jowa, ay magjojowa kang kahit sino nalang na available. Settle for quality not quantity.

4. Para sa 18 and above, okay fine, sabihin na nating yan ang borderline ng right age to be responsible and be in a relationship, but this does not mean that you are eligible to give it all in the name of love. Please don't! If he/she is asking you more than what you can give, please think twice (or even thrice) if its going to be worth it. Do things your future self will thank you for.

5. Don't go gaga over your crush. Kung type ka eh di masaya, kung hindi, ganun talaga. At pag may jowa na ang crush mo, hayaan mo nalang. Respeto nalang. Imagine if you were the partner, magugustuhan mo ba na may ibang umeepal sa jowa mo? Thought so!

6. Magpakatotoo tayo, alam natin kung may gusto ang isang tao sa atin o wala. Sabihin ng mafeeling pero totoo ito. At kung tingin mo ay hindi mo talaga gusto ang taong nagpapapansin sayo, ay sabihan mo na siya. Wag na kayong magaksaya ng oras ng isa't isa. At kung ikaw ung sinabihan na ayaw sayo, wag mo ng ipilit. The more you push it, the more they'll end up pushing you away.

7. Pag may romantic connection pero ayaw gawan ng label ang relasyon, ibig sabihin nito ay wala talagang patutunguhan yan. Kasi kung gusto talaga ng partner mo ng relasyon with you, then kailangan merong malinaw na usapan kung ano talaga kayo. Kung ganyan ang sitwasyon mo ngayon, magisip isp ka na.

8. Hindi porket matagal na kayo ng current bf/gf mo ay siya na ang mapapangasawa mo. So do not be stupid. Do not be complacent. Siguraduhin niyo na kinikilig pa din kayo sa isa't isa.



Madami akong natutunan sa bawat love story na pinagdaanan ko. Madalas ay dahil na rin sa katigasan ng ulo. Sabi nila, gamitin ang utak at hindi lang ang puso. But personally, I think we should use both, at the same time. I am not sure if tama ang mga maipapayo ko. Pero sa totoo lang, okay lang na pagdaanan mo ang pagkabigo. Tingin ko pa nga mas titibay ka pag nasaktan ka. Ilang beses akong nasaktan at nakasakit. At some point before I even chose to hate the world, which is wrong. Learn from it. Live with it. And love life.


Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience. - Denis Waitley