Short Engagaement vs. Long Engagement

When a couple gets engaged, the first thing that happens is the stress. Planning a wedding is incredibly, incredibly stressful, and many might be tempted to just shorten it all and get the wedding over with so they can move on to being married.

Apparently most couples manage to resist this urge. Huffington Post just ran a survey showing that the average length of an engagement is 13 to 18 months. Despite this desire to rush to the altar, most couples, including us, do wait. And I believe it's a good thing.

A short engagement (six months or less) really only makes sense if you have already been with your spouse for a long time and the marriage is just a formality. But in our case, we chose to have a longer engagement so that we can save up and pay for our own wedding. Otherwise, especially for couples who have been together a year or less, a long engagement (more than one year)is very important. Here are five reasons to be engaged for more than one year:

• You have your whole life to be married
When you are first getting married, you want forever to start RIGHT NOW. There is no reason to rush into it.

• Weddings are stressful
It takes time to plan a wedding. If you are eloping or having a small wedding, by all means, have a short engagement. But some venues or churches book up a YEAR in advance. So if you have your heart set on it, it's best to wait.

• Engagements end
Sorry to burst your happiness bubble, but engagement is way easier to call off than a marriage. Give it time. Let it settle. Plan together.

• It's a fun time
You are only engaged for one VERY brief period of your whole life. People are happy and excited for you. It's a special time in anyone's life, so why rush into the marriage. Relax and enjoy it!

• You need to know each other
For some people, six months into a relationship, they get engaged. Six months later they get married and then six months later they are pregnant. Eighteen months together is NOT enough time to know you're compatible as partners and parents. It just isn't. I have heard that it takes three full rounds of each season (three years) to get to really know one another. That's a good rule of thumb. Good thing we're more than 8 years toegether now, yey!

DISCLAIMER: This are all just from my point of view. I am not saying that those who had a shorter engagement do not end up being happily married.

Marriage is a life-changing decision. And you must be sure that you are whole heartedly marrying the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. 113th day of being engaged, and I'm enjoying every bit of it! :)

The Basics in Planning a Wedding

He popped the question. You said yes. Hooray!

So what are you supposed to do now?

Answer: Stare at your ring for the rest of your life! Kidding!

Now that you have a ring on your finger what should be the first thing you do? I’ll be quite honest, I believe the direction you go is dependent on each couple.

But I have here a guide on what to do next (you know, right after you call your mom and inform the VIPs in your life):


* Sit Down with your Fiancé

Before you pick a date, venue, or even set your budget, talk with each other about what is important to you and where your priorities lie. Once you and your finance are on the same page, sit and chat with all money contributing parties. Like it or not, if parents are paying for part/all of the wedding, their opinion matters.

* Set a Date (Even If It’s Not the Date)

After  “congratulations” and “let me see your ring,” here’s the first thing people will ask: “When’s the wedding?” It’ll save you lots of headaches if the two of you come up with a vague-yet-specific answer, like “We’re shooting for early 2016” or “We like the idea of a summer wedding.” People appreciate feeling like they’re in the loop, and they’ll also put the event into their mental datebooks. Plus, it’ll give you and your guy a little direction as you start planning. Also, in the long run, have 2-3 dates in mind that you would like to get married. Make sure they work with the key players in your family, especially those who might be travelling. Consider high traffic travel dates for out of town guests and hotel availability.

* Create a Wedding Blog

Now that you’ve told everyone the good news, set up a wedding site or blog to keep everyone apprised of your nuptial news. Post photos, write your “how we met” story, and have a guestbook (make it as personal and interactive as you want). Get the bare bones up first. Later on, you can get fancy with wedding details, hotel advice, maps, quizzes, daily thoughts and whatever other wedding whimsies you want to share. Send it around to those who ask, but be prepared for the fact that your mom and your BFF may be the only ones who want to read it.

Sharing with you our wedsite, #WaldzLovesMymy

* Daydream (a Lot)

Get a bunch of wedding magazines, watch romantic wedding movies for feel-good tears, look at maps for honeymoon ideas, blog-stalk engagement sites. Give yourself permission to let your brain turn into its own wedding channel. If you haven’t been planning your wedding since you turned five, that’s OK. Now’s a good time to collect ideas that inspire you and to learn what you want—and-don’t-want in your wedding.

* Plan a Night Out With Just Your Fiancé

Until the celebrations and parties and wedding are finally over, there’s not going to be much “just the two of you” moments. Get in some good face time with each other now and make it a point not to talk wedding details. Yes, there’s a ton to do, but for now, it’s perfectly OK to hit the town and celebrate --- just you and him.

* Get a Wedding Planner

No, not a wedding planner person, at least not yet. Get an iPhone app, a datebook, a calendar or some other kind of keep-organized device to help you create a timeline for major wedding-related tasks. While you’re at it, pick up a wedding-planning binder to keep all those inspirational ideas you find.

* Think About Whether You Want a Wedding Coordinator or Want to Go It Alone

Review the elements of your wedding that’ll take a little planning (negotiating with bakers and caterers for the best prices, finding the ideal venue, organizing party favors) and figure out if those are tasks you want to tackle alone or if you’d rather hire a wedding planner (Stress reduction and a little time-saving sounds nice, right?). Keep in mind that a wedding coordinator will cost extra money, so make sure the option fits into your budget before you give it serious consideration.

* Start a Wedding Savings Account

Remember that even a simple, small wedding costs money (and sometimes a lot more money than you would ever imagine). A wedding savings account is an easy way to keep cash accumulating for the big day, so you don’t have to rely on plastic to bear the brunt later on. Open a basic savings account at any bank (or look online for higher interest) and set amount every paycheck that’ll go toward wedding-related expenses only.

* Ask Your Parents (and His) for Their Ideal Guest Lists

Before you start putting a number on how many guests you want, it’s time to ask both your parents about whom they’d most want to invite. Be sure to tell them this is just a preliminary list and things might change. After you have their “dream” lists, you can add and edit and trim. This will be essential for finding the perfect venue and setting your budget.

* Choose Your Venue (Church and Reception)

If location is important to you, choose your venue before approaching wedding professionals. One of the first things wedding pros ask is date and location. When choosing your location, make sure to take a list of questions to ask at your walk through. (Some of the most important things to ask are: What is the max capacity? Do they have in house catering? What is included in the price?)

* Choose Your Wedding Professionals

Once you are at this point start booking your wedding pro’s in priority order. Dates can fill up fast, especially in the busy wedding season. Don’t wait to connect with a photographer, caterer, or florist you really want. If you hold off, they might be gone by the time you are ready to book.

* Chill Out and Have Fun!

Take time to relax. Get a massage, sleep in when you can. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event purely about you and your fiancé. You are allowed to enjoy it!